My Journey to Clearer Skin

*I am not a doctor and am in no way giving medical advice.  I am simply sharing my. experience in order to encourage others. If you have any questions, please reach out to your physician.  

My skin has always been something that I have struggled with.  When I was in 8th grade, my mom started to teach me the importance of skincare, washing my face, taking off my makeup, a simple routine.  However, at the same time, I started wearing makeup… I was sleeping in my makeup most nights which, looking back, seems miserable!  I have no idea how I put up with it.  Around this time, I started my period and my hormones were in influx.  A lot was changing and so was my skin.  It wasn’t bad but I would have the occasional pimple.  It was no big deal!  But then things started going downhill for my skin.  

In 9th grade I left home and went to boarding school (it was completely self perpetuated!).  I found myself in a new state, in a new home, in a new school, new food, and new people.  I was stressed to the max.  That was when my skin really started struggling.  I began using a myriad of products that I am pretty sure just made things worse.  I tried everything from medical grade washes and toners to basic skincare products and everything in between.  My self esteem was plummeting and I never felt pretty.  Even worse, I am in an all-girls boarding school, surrounded by beautiful California girls.  So here I am, a little 14 year old girl, lost, lonely, and struggling to feel in control of my body and skin.  That is when I turned to the Obagi Clenziderm line.  The products helped some.  Not a lot, but they helped some.  I also struggled with back acne and the Obagi really helped with them.  But I still wasn’t pleased with where my skin was.  

Sophomore year of highschool, I got an actual dermatologist.  I finally came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to be able to solve my skin issues with normal, over the counter washes and creams.  I needed more and I needed stronger.  With that, my long journey testing different medications began.  I tried what felt like every medicine under the sun.  At first we stuck with a topical regimen.  I used a benzoyl peroxide wash and Aczone.  At this point my skin was so bad, this combination did nothing.  From there I tried the antibiotic doxycycline and another topical.  Nothing came of that…. After that I tried minocycline and a chemical peel and again, nothing… I was feeling so discouraged at this point and I felt like my skin was never going to get better.  Mind you, each rotation of medication was about 6 weeks.  So it was months of taking medicine that caused no change.  It was really disheartening.  

The next time I went into the doctor’s office, she discussed Accutane with me and my dad.  At the time, the medication seemed really scary.  The potential risks involved included depression, anxiety, birth deformity and suicide.  Or at least, these were risks that seemed associated in some form or fashion with the medication.  All of this seemed terrifying.. But my skin was getting so bad that scaring was inevitable.  After many conversations with my parents,  at age 16, I started my first round of Accutane.  

The hoops you have to jump through on this medication are wild, especially if you are a girl.  Monthly pregnancy tests, online reproductive system quizzes, and 2 forms of birth control were all involved in getting the medication.  I had always heard that being on this medication would be miserable.  The chapped lips, the dry skin, the dehydration, were all massive concerns for me.  Within a week of starting the medicine, my lips became very chapped.  Miserably so.  I  found that I couldn’t go more than an hour without reapplying chapstick.  Then I discovered Dr. Dan’s.  Wow… this is a miracle worker, God send, perfect product.  Granted it tastes terrible, but this is truly the best chapstick out there.  Even today, this is the kind I will use.  

From there my skin started to get very dry.  Everyday I would use the Cera Ve moisturizing face wash.  It  was so gentle and did not strip my face of any oils.  I also  used their moisturizer but it wasn’t really heavy duty enough for me.  This sounds really gross, but I started using my chapstick on the extremely dry spots on my face.  This, this worked for me.  Dr. Dan’s kept my face from feeling like it was flaking away… Generally speaking, these side effects lasted my entire round.  The one side effect I wasn’t expecting was back pain.  My lower back hurt so badly… Sometimes I would just want to lay on the floor and cry in a ball because laying on my back hurt so much.  It was really an odd thing… But soon after stopping the medication, the back pain dissipated.  

My first round of Accutane was supposed to last 6 months but by month 5, I couldn’t keep going… my body was so tired and quite frankly. I was tired of applying moisturizer  every other second.  So, I ended my treatment a month early.  I feel like I will always  regret this.. Since I didn’t complete my recommended cycle, I found the acne creeping back up 3 years later.  In the summer between my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college, I did a second course of Accutane.  I experienced all the same side effects almost to  a T.  This time, I stuck it out and did a full 6 months.

Since then, my skin has kind of been in flux.  Some months are good, some are bad.. I did fake tanning for almost a year and that wrecked my skin.  I  also went through a phase where I wanted to test out a lot of different foundations and makeup products.  That was a rough time… In 2021, after struggling with skin for about 8 months, I finally drug myself into a dermatologist office again.  She prescribed me Tretinoin and minocycline.  I had already tried minocycline back in the day so I thought surely this will not work.  But oh boy was I wrong.  It worked!  I have been on the same reginine since.  I use the same face wash every night and have for 3ish years.  The same makeup for the last year.  The same everything really… I also use a different, clean washcloth every night to dry my face.  

My journey to clear skin was painful and at many times, disheartening.  I remember just crying in my bathroom when a zit would pop up on my face.  It felt like that was all I could see… and it got especially bad before my second round of Accutane.  I felt like I  had gone through so much pain and agony and I was still dealing with the same issue.  It felt unfair and I felt ugly.  To be perfectly honest, I think I am slightly dysmorphic in the skin department.  If I get a single blemish I feel like that is all I can see and I feel like it is all anyone will look at.  I stare at my skin and perseverate over zits and scars and anything that might be mistaken as either.  I’m trying to learn to accept that a pimple now and again isn’t the end of the world, but it’s  taking some time to get there… but I am working on it!  And that is what counts.